At age 32, after having been sick because of influenza, I was no longer capable to go back to work. I was dead tired and it seemed as if I was carrying the world’s suffering on my shoulders. Diagnosis: post traumatic stress disorder. Initially, I found help at a psychologist’s practice – however, a colleague of mine advised me to go and see Ranjana Wiersema.
Her approach to my situation was totally different. At the psychologist’s, I was used to mainly talk about my feelings and thoughts. Timing of the sessions was very important, because of the next client sitting in the waiting room.
At Ranjana’s practice, I had a session every three weeks. She taught me how to allow myself to feel more. Breathing sessions enabled me to sense anger locked up in my system. Ranjana used to work with feelings I dealt with at moments I came for a session. Depending on my condition we worked with regression exercises, breathing sessions, constellations, or I got some other consultation. By means of her way of questioning we always came to the subject which was really at stake, she taught me to look at things in a different way. Also, when necessary, I really enjoyed having the time to recover from an energetic session.
Initially, I experienced myself as being a victim. I used to have a wall around me, with a dark cloudy sky above. All that happened to me was somebody else’s fault. I felt depressed, I was dead tired all the time. To me, sense of duty and responsibility toward my family and employer were strong emotions to keep on keeping on. Every now and then Ranjana talked with me about other possibilities of living my life. Despite her intentions I did not want to leave my cocoon, because I knew it so well. I was really scared for all the unknown waiting for me beyond this wall around me.
Presently I am aware of the fact that, despite everything I went through during my life, I am the one directing my life in the NOW. After having finished therapy, I was able to embrace everything that to me felt like almost having destroyed me – because I realise it helped me become the person I am to-day. I am glad with who I am. At present I am very happy to say that although the therapy was intensive, it was very much worth the while. I am really happy!
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