{"id":1415,"date":"2016-03-15T19:11:02","date_gmt":"2016-03-15T18:11:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/praktijkkaruna.nl\/?page_id=1415"},"modified":"2025-10-17T16:54:31","modified_gmt":"2025-10-17T15:54:31","slug":"het-innerlijk-kind-nader-beschouwd","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/praktijkkaruna.nl\/en\/het-innerlijk-kind-nader-beschouwd\/","title":{"rendered":"Looking at the Inner Child more closely."},"content":{"rendered":"

Looking at the Inner Child more closely<\/strong>.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"kindAll of us were born in the\u00a0state of the\u00a0pure, natural child<\/em>: fully dependant, total-feeling, euphoric, fully present, unadjusted, innocent, trusting. This state of being did not last long for some of us, or it took some more time for other before it was lost. After some years we were completely submitted to the rules imposed by our parents, moved away from the essence with which we entered the world. In our core we keep this precious part of ourselves, it is covered underneath several layers of protection, waiting to be newly discovered.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"4websiteDuring the pure child\u2019s first years of life, it had to adjust itself to the circumstances in the surroundings where it would be growing up. There was no attention for the essence of the youngest member of the family. Unadjusted? Impossible! Euforic? O no! All essential qualities had to be constrained more and more. Because of this there was a lack of one (huge) basic need: noticing, seeing, who we essentially are. This caused a lot of consecutive painful moments with corresponding emotions and feelings. With this pattern of experiences the hurt child <\/em>arises.<\/span><\/p>\n

It just is not possible not getting hurt as a newly born human being. Also, it is impossible that at times the baby needs attention or needs to be fed, it indeed will be having this attention or food. The baby learns to cope with these experiences during its first years of life. Not meeting the baby\u2019s primary needs causes shame. Crossing the baby\u2019s boundaries causes shock, parents\u00a0 and\/or caretakers do this by using verbally, emotionally, physically and sexually harmful behaviour. Shame and shock came up because the baby could not process the experiences, it was unable to contain them and it got overwhelmed. Later-on these experiences will be called unsafety (panic), uncertainty (rejection\/abandonment), fury (because of bodily, verbal end emotional violence), disgust (e.g. because of sexual violence), frustration, unworthiness.<\/span><\/p>\n

When a\u00a0child grows up in an atmosphere of shame and shock<\/em>, the parents are completely unaware of their child\u2019s needs, maybe also regularly crossing the child\u2019s boundaries. With the child this causes an accumulation of unprocessed imprints and emotions. Crossing boundaries causes shock; absence of and rejection by the parents or caretakers cause shame with the child. Shock and shame have to be dealt with apart from each other, with sometimes an overlap.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"kindChild and shock<\/em> –\u00a0In some parapgraphs above we noticed that, when a child has to cope with boundary-crossing behaviour by the parents\/caretakers, it has to learn to deal with shock. Often violence is involved as well. When these circumstances occur shortly one after the other, shock develops, with can result in freezing. The reason for this is that for his\/her life the child is dependant on the parents\/caretakers, he\/she cannot fight or flee. When, after such confrontations the child will not be reassured in order to relax after the fear and panic (animals shake off their fear), and these confrontations take place shortly after one another freezing will settle in de nervous system. Body and mind will be in an alert state all the time, even when not necessary. Physical complaints will develop in the muscles and\/or the organs. In the present an approaching person will be experienced as danger occurring yet again. This can be shocking, both to yourself as your companions.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"4websiteChild and shame<\/em> – Absence (sometimes even abandonment) of and rejecting (denying basic needs like safety, affection\/love, warmth, care, food, clothing) by the parents or caretakers will be causing shame with the child. Within the child convictions will emerge like \u201dI am not worth it\u201d, \u201dI am not good enough\u201d, \u201dThis occurred because of me\u201d, \u201dI am not allowed to be around\u201d. With these convictions the child develops a deep feeling of uncertainty and a sharp decrease of its self-esteem. At a later age these experiences may lead to behaviour in which an innocent request for a little more will be received as a great loss or even abandonment. In order to avoid feeling this pain, this person may decide to withdraw from a friendship, totally, or partly. The child will develop compensational behaviour, possibly including neurotic or narcissistic characteristics.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"4websiteThe hurt child (litterally) embodies the genuine\u00a0pain belonging to the first experiences\u00a0 of boundary-crossing and\/or abandonment\/rejection.<\/span>
\n As man grows older he\/she creates yet another survival strategy in order to be able to cope with this pain:\u00a0the older, surviving child<\/em>\u00a0arises.\u00a0An important skill of this child is that he\/she is unable to feel panic in situations of physical closeness of rejection. This occurs through creating a kind of armour in the body\u2019s tissue, like the skin, muscle tissue and the organs. Continuous wheeziness can be a result of tension in the lungs because of this kind of armour, which exists to be able to cope with danger. At the same time, the older, surviving, child develops behaviour, like:<\/span><\/p>\n